Sapphire and Amethyst

The original engagement ring... I still miss it.

In 2008, my fiancée proposed to me. He presented me with a white gold, diamond, and sapphire ring  in Salem, Mass. on Halloween. I loved that ring and did not let it leave my finger for anything... until I started to lose weight.

As many people know, when you lose weight your fingers also slim up. The ring that had fit me perfectly when I was over three hundred pounds was suddenly (well, not that suddenly) too loose. Several times I told myself to get something, some kind of ring adjuster to put on the inside of the ring so it would fit, and several times I put it off.

On an evening I went to visit a friend, I took off my ring and put it in my pocket so that I would not lose it during a dog walk. When I went to put my ring back on, I discovered it was missing. The ring had gotten out of my pocket and vanished. I searched all over, tears in my eyes, and could not find it. I looked over that area several times, even getting a metal detector and it never turned up. Never.

I was beside myself in misery. My fiancée was not angry with me; he understood I was trying not to lose it and said that he would replace it with something better later. I didn't want a new one; I wanted the one he had given me and asked me to be his wife with. I was inconsolable, and I still get depressed about it to this day.

My hand was naked for a long time. I felt strange not wearing a ring and even stranger trying to put a different ring on. My future mother-in-law even sent me an old diamond ring of hers to wear to try and make me feel better. The thought was nice, but I could not do it.

A few months ago I decided that I wanted something, some kind of ring to wear on my finger. I wanted some visual alert to the rest of the world that I was taken. I started to look at cheap glass rings; something that looked nice but would not cost me too much to purchase. I looked through stores, trying to see something that was even similar to the one I had. The harder I looked, the less I saw and the more rings I left in the dust. Eventually, I decided that it was not as big a deal if the ring did not look like the original. In fact, it was somewhat freeing. That did not mean I was not as picky. I still wanted something that was me; something that was shiny and when someone looked at it (that knew me) they would say, "It's so you!"

On a visit to the mall, I saw such a ring. It was CZ with sterling silver and amethyst. I was so in love with the color, but I was still unsure about getting it. There was a strange fight going on in my mind. It was as though if I put on this ring, this impostor of an engagement ring, I was forsaking my original and thus forsaking my fiancée. I know, it makes little sense, but it made perfect sense in my mind. I left the ring at the store, even though my fiancee said that he liked it and thought it was lovely. I just could not see getting it yet.

The new ring.

Tonight, I took my fiancée out for dinner. Since the place we wanted to eat at was so crowded (dinner rush at Chipolte), we walked the mall first. We spent time just enjoying being with each other and I picked up my sister a new Cinderella water bottle from the Disney Store to make her feel better after having surgery. On our way out, I looked in a store and saw that ring again. I picked it up and looked at it, then at my fiancée. He shook his head and had me put it away before he picked up an identical ring, though the purple stone was a little darker, and smiled. "I would have gotten the darker color," he said. He knew the reason I wanted the ring and hearing that, I purchased the CZ and amethyst ring. After I got it, my fiancée took the ring and stopped me in the mall. He didn't get down on his knee (mostly since his knees are bad), but he did slide the ring on me and whispered, "Mine." [Trust me, the tone was gentle and sweet... not possessive at all. Besides, he knows I could kick his butt. ;)]

While it is not my original ring, and my fiancée still says he will get me something better later (as in my real wedding ring),  I am happy with it. It is shiny, pretty, and I know he likes it. It also is a little visual reminder of our love and connection.