I am convinced that a dachshund is an energy vampire. They come up to you, looking all cute, hop in your lap, and 20 seconds later BAM! you are asleep and another victim of the sausage vamp.
They have this mechanism that allowed them to gain your trust; known as the puppy eyes. In some cases, the clever bastards also have some manner of cuteness enhancing device. In the case of my sister's dog, Watson, he has a thing we call
the nerf. He stares at you and stares and stares and if he gets no reaction you will hear a tiny little "eenurf" followed by a butt-wiggle. This will continue until he gets what he wants, namely your lap so he can suck the energy from you.
Other dogs, like my sister's other dachshund, don't wait for an invitation. They hop up, crawl right into your lap blanket or even your shirt and out their cold wet nose all over your warm skin (I'm talking about you, Sherlock!) and then begin to suck your life force from you so that you will sleep and they will get their human-sized bed.
The worse happens when they work together in packs like little hot-dog vampire wolves. One dog will get you to cuddle and get sleepy, then another will leap up and cuddle with you as well. By the time you have come out of the doxie coma, you have anywhere from three to seventy dogs piled on you. You don't even own seventy dogs and they there are! Like giant fluffy cockroaches, where the hell did they come from? Quick, someone turn on a light.
What can be done to stop these creatures of suck? Nothing... There is nothing that can be done to stop them, short of getting an animal cruelty charge and being locked away for a few months (*
not condoning that act!*)
Alas, all you can do is give in. Give in and hope you did not have anything planned for that day.
